Senin, 15 Juli 2013

Confusing

It’s hard to explain what we feel right now, when we are very glad, sad, and also confused. Sometimes we can only ask... Ask to ourself, ask to God, and sometimes tears are the only way to explain all the random feels of us. But, don’t be confused, that’s life, that’s a puzzle which has to be found the answer, so confusing…

Senin, 01 Juli 2013

The Words Those Have Not been Delivered

Afterlife...the song from A7X... yes afterlife is playing on my list now, and I enjoy to hear that... In the middle of the playing I remember all the things, all the moments when I was very passionate with this song. About 4 or 5 years ago, I was a girl with kind of that music. Hard music, hard voices, the core that's not slow at all, where I could feel my spirit up. I remember that. But the things that I want to say here is not about the music, but this is about all mistakes that I've ever done to one guy. I'm full of tears if I remember this, but I like too in the same time. 

I'm full of tears when I let my mind to open the past story... When I hated him so much because the reason unknown. I want tell everyone that this feel is not what it seems. I hate him but I don't hate him... This words is so confusing, right?
Let me to opend every windows of my minds... At the moment, when I was a high school student I ever met one guy in second world (you got it?) I talked with him as If we were friends, he had the same passion in music, almost. I shared with him about the music, although just a short period of time. 
In another day, my friend said to me about him, he blablabla and blalala. I think that was a good news, no mistakes at all. For the first time I met him in the first world, I saw a guy who were tired after played tennis, and I guessed him, the guy who talked with me in the second world. Hmm him, just two words "hmm him''. The night had come, I entered my 2nd world and he was there, we talked again and he asked me about our undirect meeting lastday (-_-) he asked me "how... am I handsome right?" That's silly question... and I answered ''Of course because you are a male, dude". Funny enough, but the conversations was not long because I was lazy to get conversation with him, why? Because my friend said to me at the other time  that  he mocked me behind.

He mocked me behind... I believed of that statement. I got no respect at all to him. If we met, I always put my cocky face as If I didn't want to know him, and I did it always. ALWAYS!

Afte long time, I forgot that I hate him (funny) I started the conversation, I asked him about music of course, he answered nicely. He asked me to see a death fest, but I couldn't be sure to come there. I thought he was nice, he was not annoying. But suddenly I remembered the hate feeling AGAIN rrrrr

Till the news come that he was my friend's boyfie, yeah. Oh mygoodness this is THE REAL TEENAGER STORY -__- *absurd
I was fine to hear that, I just.... had a random feeling.

The times showed that he was not what I was thinking. I realized I should not hate him because he mocked me... It was very childish. I was selfish to myself, and to him. I realized that having a hatred heart is just like a coward. I was ashamed to myself cause I did some wrongs... It was like I restricted the friendship with him. He was not wrong, mocking  is just a little thing that I should not had care of it. 
This guilt was like a shadow that always walks beside me. Till the feeling changed... changed to be a good 'titlte'  fellow feeling. He was kind, humble... Not like what I was thinking. 
Feeling sorry and sorry. If I could go to the past, I would start a conversation and asked about 'why did you mock me, dude?' and then I made it as a joke to know the answer... To see how his reaction, if bad yes he is bad but if good... yes I had a simpathy with you.

But now is the impossoble thing to meet him, to get conversation with him. Maybe he hates me more than I used to. He has a new world now and maybe he doesn't remember me at all HAHA so poor  -__-
I don't want anything except saying sorry and sorry.

Sorry for all the things that made you upset. Maybe you call me freak, or stranger or another bad nickname, but surely I just feeling sorry. Hopefully we can meet again, and the times give me a chance to say it very loudly. 
Byebye... enjoy your life, and I hope you get the best for your future.