We Have To....

Glad, sad, happy, dissapointed, ashamed, I have to feel it all. To ever try, to ever fail and to rise then. That's my task, also you ... to enjoy the process, to think, to decide, to act, exactly to try something in our life.

I'm sorry and I Love You, Mom.

Here I am throw all my words for the person who had sacrificed her life for her daughter.

First, I claim that I'm not the girl with a lovely attittude, not an attentive girl, and not a girl with all beautiful words. But I have something to say for my guardian.

The first word that I will say is "Sorry" if there is somethng more than that, I will say it in a million times. I'm sorry for all my faults, every seconds, every minutes, every hours, everyday, every week, every months, every years, and everytime.

All the arguments, all fights. When I against to you, when I hurt you, when I made you tired, when I made you dissapointed.

I'm knowing all my sins, and I still remember it and I think harder to erase it. Even though you never concerned about it, even though you always forgive me, even though you always love me, even though you always care to me... I still can't forgive myself about what I've done to you all this time in this life.

I beg to God to give me more chances that I can make you happy, can protect you as you had protected me, give all my devotions, and everything that I can do for your best.

I know your sacrifice, I'm the witness who knows that you are the greatest Eve, I know your sweat, I know how hard you smile even though you bear the burdens, I know how hard you make a solution of every problems. I know how tired you are when I did something wrong.

I know you did it just for my best. For your family.

Mom, don't ever tired to always lead me, don't ever tired to always be patient when I get angry, don't ever lose your smooth words when you asking me something, don't ever tired to yell at me when I do some mistakes, don't ever tired to asking me anything even though I don't want to. 'Cause deep in my heart I don't want to lose anything from you.

I can't imagine to live without you. I haven't done anyhting for you, let me make you proud, let me paint more smile in you face, let me to erase all your burdens.

The only thing that I can do is just pray and asking to my Holly God that you'll be always healthy, long life, happy ever after, always in God's protection, and will be a witness in my wedding, be a wise grandma for my children soon.

Once more, I'm sorry. I love you till the end of my life :*

Confusing

It’s hard to explain what we feel right now, when we are very glad, sad, and also confused. Sometimes we can only ask... Ask to ourself, ask to God, and sometimes tears are the only way to explain all the random feels of us. But, don’t be confused, that’s life, that’s a puzzle which has to be found the answer, so confusing…

The Words Those Have Not been Delivered

Afterlife...the song from A7X... yes afterlife is playing on my list now, and I enjoy to hear that... In the middle of the playing I remember all the things, all the moments when I was very passionate with this song. About 4 or 5 years ago, I was a girl with kind of that music. Hard music, hard voices, the core that's not slow at all, where I could feel my spirit up. I remember that. But the things that I want to say here is not about the music, but this is about all mistakes that I've ever done to one guy. I'm full of tears if I remember this, but I like too in the same time. 

I'm full of tears when I let my mind to open the past story... When I hated him so much because the reason unknown. I want tell everyone that this feel is not what it seems. I hate him but I don't hate him... This words is so confusing, right?

Let me to opend every windows of my minds... At the moment, when I was a high school student I ever met one guy in second world (you got it?) I talked with him as If we were friends, he had the same passion in music, almost. I shared with him about the music, although just a short period of time. 

In another day, my friend said to me about him, he blablabla and blalala. I think that was a good news, no mistakes at all. For the first time I met him in the first world, I saw a guy who were tired after played tennis, and I guessed him, the guy who talked with me in the second world. Hmm him, just two words "hmm him''. The night had come, I entered my 2nd world and he was there, we talked again and he asked me about our undirect meeting lastday (-_-) he asked me "how... am I handsome right?" That's silly question... and I answered ''Of course because you are a male, dude". Funny enough, but the conversations was not long because I was lazy to get conversation with him, why? Because my friend said to me at the other time  that  he mocked me behind.

He mocked me behind... I believed of that statement. I got no respect at all to him. If we met, I always put my cocky face as If I didn't want to know him, and I did it always. ALWAYS!

Afte long time, I forgot that I hate him (funny) I started the conversation, I asked him about music of course, he answered nicely. He asked me to see a death fest, but I couldn't be sure to come there. I thought he was nice, he was not annoying. But suddenly I remembered the hate feeling AGAIN rrrrr

Till the news come that he was my friend's boyfie, yeah. Oh mygoodness this is THE REAL TEENAGER STORY -__- *absurd

I was fine to hear that, I just.... had a random feeling.

The times showed that he was not what I was thinking. I realized I should not hate him because he mocked me... It was very childish. I was selfish to myself, and to him. I realized that having a hatred heart is just like a coward. I was ashamed to myself cause I did some wrongs... It was like I restricted the friendship with him. He was not wrong, mocking  is just a little thing that I should not had care of it. 

This guilt was like a shadow that always walks beside me. Till the feeling changed... changed to be a good 'titlte'  fellow feeling. He was kind, humble... Not like what I was thinking. 

Feeling sorry and sorry. If I could go to the past, I would start a conversation and asked about 'why did you mock me, dude?' and then I made it as a joke to know the answer... To see how his reaction, if bad yes he is bad but if good... yes I had a simpathy with you.

But now is the impossoble thing to meet him, to get conversation with him. Maybe he hates me more than I used to. He has a new world now and maybe he doesn't remember me at all HAHA so poor  -__-

I don't want anything except saying sorry and sorry.

Sorry for all the things that made you upset. Maybe you call me freak, or stranger or another bad nickname, but surely I just feeling sorry. Hopefully we can meet again, and the times give me a chance to say it very loudly. 

Byebye... enjoy your life, and I hope you get the best for your future.

The Real HOME

Home

Farida Amalia

I wanna catch the hill

With both of my hands

I wanna go to the top

With both of my feets

I wanna go around the world

With all my body

But actually, I wanna go home

The real home...

With my heart, with my soul

Cause... y o u a r e m y H O M E

(You Are, My...) Time Owner

Time Owner

Farida Amalia

Wake me up every morning

Greet me everyday of afternoon

Call me every evening

Always say good night in all my nights

Kiss my forehead before fall asleep every night

Surely, walk on my head every second

Oh…. My… You will be my Time Owner

Don’t get confused

Don’t get confused

Farida Amalia

I want

I just want it

No more No less

I want a Rainbow, full of colors

I want a Red, as red as my blood… Flowing in my body

I want a White, as white as my bones and clear like a cloud

I want a Blue, as blue as the ocean and blue like a highly skies

I want a Green, as green as all leafs beside flowers

I want a Yellow, as yellow as brightly sun, light up my world

But, sometimes I want no colors at all… Like a fresh air

I want it, but I don’t’ want it

Don’t get confused!

Sedikit Tentang The Killers

…. A Dustland fairytale's beginning it’s just another white trash county kiss…  in sixty one long brown hair foolish eyes…. 

Lirik di atas itu penggalan dari lagunya The Killers judulnya A Dustland Fairytale, that’s one of another The Killers songs that nice I thought. Akhir-akhir ini saya emang lagi rajin dengerin lagu-lagunya The Killers, nyandu banget bisa dibilang.

In My Georgeous Opinian *wleeek* lagu-lagunya The Killers itu punya armosphere, lintasan dan jalur edarnya sendiri *loooh* maksudnya ya kayaknya emang punya ciri khasnya sendiri, apalagi suara Brandon Flowers yang emang flowers banget bikin lagu-lagunya enak di denger dan bikin penasaran. Instrumen musiknya juga mantep dan-sedikit-aneh. 

Kali pertama saya denger lagunya The Killers itu di umur 15 saat masih SMA yang judulnya Human, asli ini lagu dari awal pertama denger udah nagih. Dulu biasanya saya play lagu ini menjelang tidur, mp3 nonstop muterin lagu ini sampe saya tertidur pulas :''

The Killers ini band asal Amerika, genrenya rock tapi ada yang bilang ini tuh semacam punk wave gitu yang dulu exist di pertengahan antara tahun 70an. Tapi apapun nama genrenya gak terlalu pengaruh sih buat saya, karna saya dengerin lagu itu selain pake kuping ya pake naluri, saya hanya penikmat musik yang kalo udah kecantol pasti loyal banget *baaah*

Dari lagu yang judulnya Human itu saya lanjut ke Bones, When You Were Young, Santa, The World When We Livin, Mr. Brightside. Baru itu aja, dan gak terlalu kepo buat cari tau lagu-lagu lainnya. Sampe saat dimana umur saya 18 ini, saya mulai curious to the max*lebay* dan mulai googling band nya Kang Brandon ini, saya donlotin deh beberapa lagunya meskipun gak full tiap album. Ini dia lagu-lagu hasil kepo saya yang jadi favorit kala ini:

A Dustland Fairytale

All These Thing That I’ve Done

Somebody Told Me

Spaceman

Jeny Was A Friend Of Mine

Miss Atomic Bomb

For Reason Unknown

Glamourus Indie Rock And Roll

Romeo And Juliet

Smlie Like You Mean It

Entahlah, ini lagu-lagunya punya identitas yang kuat banget, unik, dan aneh.

Dan selebihnya masih harus didonlot dan kayaknya bakal tetep jadi favorit semuanya :3

The Frontman: BRANDON FLOWERS IS SO FLOWERS 

The Killers 

Untung Bisa Bangun

Setelah lama gak nulis, sekarang ada bahan tulisan yang rada-rada aneh sih. Ini tentang hal yang pernah beberapa kali saya alami, tapi gak separah ini. Gak ngerti ya? Simak aja dulu yah saya pun masih terheran-heran -_-

Tadi siang tepatnya jam setengah sebelas, saya tiduran di soffa. Eh ketiduran dengan TV yang masih nyala.

Saya mimpi, dan sadar saya lagi mimpi dan ini mimpi rada-rada saya buat sih awalnya .. Ngerti ga? ngerti yah... Nah disitu ceritanya saya diajak sama sutradara bule gitu ke teater. Bukan teater sih tapi ruangan dengan layar besar, dia bilang itu teknologi baru buat pembuatan film. Pas tirai layar dibuka keluar dah tuh makhluk-makhluk aneh, jadi semacam kayak nonton 3D tapi lebih nyata senyata-nyatanya *bingungdahtuh*

Saya didatengin makhluk aneh warna merah putih gitu kayak daging idup gede pula :(( saya gak bisa gerak, cuma diem sambil merhatiin itu makhluk apa.

Dieeem dan diem, tiba-tiba kedengeran orang bilang Assalamualaikun dan suara pintu ngebuka,saya yakin  itu Oma saya, dia pulang dari luar. Kedatengan Oma saya itu nyata yah, saya setengah sadar dan sempet gerak.

Pas saya mau bener-bener bangun, malah makin susah gerak. Saya sadar saya lagi mimpi, sadar banget dan pas saat mimpi itu saya masih bisa mikir dan punya niat buat ngeudahin mimpi saya itu.

Perjuangan buat bangun dimulai... Ini buat saya mengerikan banget. Bayangin aja kita mau bangun, kita udah sadar, kita berasa gerak tapi kita liat badan kita sendiri terbujur kaku ._. Saya diem sebentar, mata saya meletet dan bisa liat kaki, tangan, dan anggota badan lain. Saya goncan-goncangin kaki, kerasa banget itu kaki gerak kenceng tapi dari mata saya yang meletet itu kaki diem adem ayem aja, saya gerakin tangan sekenceng-kencengnya, kerasa banget tangan saya ngegerepein paha, tapi teuteup dari mata saya yang meletet itu tangan dieeeeeeem. Tiba-tiba ngerasa ada yang hinggap gitu di badan, kerasa anget. Di situ udah mulai panik, saya atur nafas, punduk kerasa keringetan panas dingin, dan saya bilang istigfar berkali-kali. Sebenernya dulu udah ampir sering kayak begini, tapi gak separah tadi, dan biasanya mau bilang istigfar dalem hatipun gabisa, tapi tadi bisa ._.

Saya diem lagi, sambil komat-kamit dalem hati. Tapi yang rada bikin heran, saya itu sadar lagi mimpi. Makin punya niat buat bangun itu makin kakuk aja badan -___-

Akhirnya setelah saya hopeless buat bangun lagi, bisa bangun beneran dengan keringat dan kelelahan. Capeeek mamaaaaah :((( gak mau lagi-lagi...

Dan ini terjadi setelah saya baca postingan kakak saya http://partlifeofawey.blogspot.com/ tentang apalah itu namanya .. Lucid Dream.. saya baca pengalaman dia yang mirip-mirip gitulah, mungkin semacam sugesti kali yah, gara-gara baca begituan jadi mimpi mengerikan begini ._.

Setelah saya lapor ke kakak saya tentang mimpi tadi, dia nyuruh saya tulis di blog biar dia bisa baca dengan gamblang, saya gak bisa cerita langsung karna dia tinggal di luar kota.

Oh iya tentang Lucid Dream, saya juga kurang paham... Dan mimpi tadi juga entah itu termasuk atau tidak, pokoknya yang saya tau itu mimpi mengerikan.

Sekian, semoga gak terulang lagi, asli capeeeek -_-''