Forget It or Regret It?

                

              There are so many regrets I found, but I deny it because to be a free person I have to never regret. I can only take all the silver lining in every case. That’s what I know, but I think regret is the sign that we had done something, we ever tried something, and decided something in our life.

                Yes, that’s what happening to me now. Like… you choose to know someone that you curious of, and you know him more, you talked, you shared something, you joked, you were angry, you liked, you loved, but suddenly something unclear happened and broke it all. What happen then? So many questions there those never be answered. The worst that can’t be forgiven is when we blame ourself… and we know it hurts. =)

                Stop! Just one word, stop! We have to stop to blame ourself, we have to stop regret and then think clearly, just remember that there is no one perfect, we ever did something wrongs and it’s very human. But the important that we have to remember is ‘what have we do to fix it all, and maybe forget it all to take ourself back, back to be a free and a peaceful person’. Rise up and stand upright~

We Have To....

Glad, sad, happy, dissapointed, ashamed, I have to feel it all. To ever try, to ever fail and to rise then. That's my task, also you ... to enjoy the process, to think, to decide, to act, exactly to try something in our life.

I'm sorry and I Love You, Mom.

Here I am throw all my words for the person who had sacrificed her life for her daughter.

First, I claim that I'm not the girl with a lovely attittude, not an attentive girl, and not a girl with all beautiful words. But I have something to say for my guardian.

The first word that I will say is "Sorry" if there is somethng more than that, I will say it in a million times. I'm sorry for all my faults, every seconds, every minutes, every hours, everyday, every week, every months, every years, and everytime.

All the arguments, all fights. When I against to you, when I hurt you, when I made you tired, when I made you dissapointed.

I'm knowing all my sins, and I still remember it and I think harder to erase it. Even though you never concerned about it, even though you always forgive me, even though you always love me, even though you always care to me... I still can't forgive myself about what I've done to you all this time in this life.

I beg to God to give me more chances that I can make you happy, can protect you as you had protected me, give all my devotions, and everything that I can do for your best.

I know your sacrifice, I'm the witness who knows that you are the greatest Eve, I know your sweat, I know how hard you smile even though you bear the burdens, I know how hard you make a solution of every problems. I know how tired you are when I did something wrong.

I know you did it just for my best. For your family.

Mom, don't ever tired to always lead me, don't ever tired to always be patient when I get angry, don't ever lose your smooth words when you asking me something, don't ever tired to yell at me when I do some mistakes, don't ever tired to asking me anything even though I don't want to. 'Cause deep in my heart I don't want to lose anything from you.

I can't imagine to live without you. I haven't done anyhting for you, let me make you proud, let me paint more smile in you face, let me to erase all your burdens.

The only thing that I can do is just pray and asking to my Holly God that you'll be always healthy, long life, happy ever after, always in God's protection, and will be a witness in my wedding, be a wise grandma for my children soon.

Once more, I'm sorry. I love you till the end of my life :*

Confusing

It’s hard to explain what we feel right now, when we are very glad, sad, and also confused. Sometimes we can only ask... Ask to ourself, ask to God, and sometimes tears are the only way to explain all the random feels of us. But, don’t be confused, that’s life, that’s a puzzle which has to be found the answer, so confusing…

The Words Those Have Not been Delivered

Afterlife...the song from A7X... yes afterlife is playing on my list now, and I enjoy to hear that... In the middle of the playing I remember all the things, all the moments when I was very passionate with this song. About 4 or 5 years ago, I was a girl with kind of that music. Hard music, hard voices, the core that's not slow at all, where I could feel my spirit up. I remember that. But the things that I want to say here is not about the music, but this is about all mistakes that I've ever done to one guy. I'm full of tears if I remember this, but I like too in the same time. 

I'm full of tears when I let my mind to open the past story... When I hated him so much because the reason unknown. I want tell everyone that this feel is not what it seems. I hate him but I don't hate him... This words is so confusing, right?

Let me to opend every windows of my minds... At the moment, when I was a high school student I ever met one guy in second world (you got it?) I talked with him as If we were friends, he had the same passion in music, almost. I shared with him about the music, although just a short period of time. 

In another day, my friend said to me about him, he blablabla and blalala. I think that was a good news, no mistakes at all. For the first time I met him in the first world, I saw a guy who were tired after played tennis, and I guessed him, the guy who talked with me in the second world. Hmm him, just two words "hmm him''. The night had come, I entered my 2nd world and he was there, we talked again and he asked me about our undirect meeting lastday (-_-) he asked me "how... am I handsome right?" That's silly question... and I answered ''Of course because you are a male, dude". Funny enough, but the conversations was not long because I was lazy to get conversation with him, why? Because my friend said to me at the other time  that  he mocked me behind.

He mocked me behind... I believed of that statement. I got no respect at all to him. If we met, I always put my cocky face as If I didn't want to know him, and I did it always. ALWAYS!

Afte long time, I forgot that I hate him (funny) I started the conversation, I asked him about music of course, he answered nicely. He asked me to see a death fest, but I couldn't be sure to come there. I thought he was nice, he was not annoying. But suddenly I remembered the hate feeling AGAIN rrrrr

Till the news come that he was my friend's boyfie, yeah. Oh mygoodness this is THE REAL TEENAGER STORY -__- *absurd

I was fine to hear that, I just.... had a random feeling.

The times showed that he was not what I was thinking. I realized I should not hate him because he mocked me... It was very childish. I was selfish to myself, and to him. I realized that having a hatred heart is just like a coward. I was ashamed to myself cause I did some wrongs... It was like I restricted the friendship with him. He was not wrong, mocking  is just a little thing that I should not had care of it. 

This guilt was like a shadow that always walks beside me. Till the feeling changed... changed to be a good 'titlte'  fellow feeling. He was kind, humble... Not like what I was thinking. 

Feeling sorry and sorry. If I could go to the past, I would start a conversation and asked about 'why did you mock me, dude?' and then I made it as a joke to know the answer... To see how his reaction, if bad yes he is bad but if good... yes I had a simpathy with you.

But now is the impossoble thing to meet him, to get conversation with him. Maybe he hates me more than I used to. He has a new world now and maybe he doesn't remember me at all HAHA so poor  -__-

I don't want anything except saying sorry and sorry.

Sorry for all the things that made you upset. Maybe you call me freak, or stranger or another bad nickname, but surely I just feeling sorry. Hopefully we can meet again, and the times give me a chance to say it very loudly. 

Byebye... enjoy your life, and I hope you get the best for your future.

The Real HOME

Home

Farida Amalia

I wanna catch the hill

With both of my hands

I wanna go to the top

With both of my feets

I wanna go around the world

With all my body

But actually, I wanna go home

The real home...

With my heart, with my soul

Cause... y o u a r e m y H O M E

(You Are, My...) Time Owner

Time Owner

Farida Amalia

Wake me up every morning

Greet me everyday of afternoon

Call me every evening

Always say good night in all my nights

Kiss my forehead before fall asleep every night

Surely, walk on my head every second

Oh…. My… You will be my Time Owner

Don’t get confused

Don’t get confused

Farida Amalia

I want

I just want it

No more No less

I want a Rainbow, full of colors

I want a Red, as red as my blood… Flowing in my body

I want a White, as white as my bones and clear like a cloud

I want a Blue, as blue as the ocean and blue like a highly skies

I want a Green, as green as all leafs beside flowers

I want a Yellow, as yellow as brightly sun, light up my world

But, sometimes I want no colors at all… Like a fresh air

I want it, but I don’t’ want it

Don’t get confused!

Keinginan Sederhana atau Muluk. Ke Inggris!

Saya mau ke Inggrissss !!! Itu yang saya teriakin pas searching gambar Istana Buckingham ._. England jadi tujuan pertama negera asing yang pengen saya kunjungin (hopefully someday). Waktu kecil taunya Inggris itu punya ratu namanya Elizabeth, terus anaknya namanya Pangeran Charles, udah gitu aja -..- Beranjak besar dengan umur saya yang 18 tahun ini, udah banyak yang saya ketahui, bukan tentang Inggrisnya sih, tapi saya tau kenapa saya tertarik sama negara ini.

Inggris adalah negara yang berbentuk kerajaan (monarki konstitusional)  dan sistem pemerintahannya parlementer, kepala negaranya Ratu Elizabeth meskipun itu cuma sebuah simbol. Dari bentuk negaranya itulah saya tertarik sama Inggris, dimana-mana yang namanya kerajaan itu pasti punya Raja Ratu, Istana, Pasukan Pengawal, Pelayan, Rakyat dan rentetan anggota kerajaan lainnya dan itu sangat menariiik, duhai teman-temaaan !!! Tapi yang paling penting dan sangat mendasar kenapa saya suka Inggris itu karena sejarahnya. Negara terkemuka di segala bidang, dan punya banyak tokoh yang berpengaruh terhadap dunia modern saat ini. Banyak banget sejarah-sejarah yang saya suka dari negara ini juga isu-isunya yang tidak perlu saya jelaskan disini, hihi :D

Kalo seandainya saya punya kesempatan, misalnya tiba-tiba hujan duit nih atau tiba-tiba dapet undian semilieur, setelah saya bilang Alhamdulillah Gusti, langsung saya mau buat jadwal tour ke Inggris (ini sih versi lebaynya). 

Saya gak tau banyak tempat-tempat menarik di sana, tapi yang pengen saya kunjungi kalo mimpi muluk ini tercapai mungkin tempat pertama itu ya Istana Buckingham, tempat yang teramat bersejarah bisa dibilang, all members of Kingdom ada di sini (kali) ini dia penampakannya

Di Buckingham saya mau take foto saya di tiap bangunan sama patung-patungnya, hihihi

Daaaan tau kah apa yang sangat mencuri hati saya di Kerajaan ini? Life Guards atau Horse Guards itu looo pasukan pengawal Ratu yang pake kuda. wohoooo, saya suka banget kostumnyaaa, topinyaaa semuanyaaa :*** Perpaduan warna merah sama hitem, suka pokonyaaa *.* Gak akan lupa lah minta foto bareng mereka (itupun kalo diizinkan -_-) ya minimal curi-curi foto bahaha

Udah dari Istana Buckingham saya mau ke BigBen, the second biggest clock tower in the world ;)

Habis itu saya mau ke Abbey Road, itu loh jalan yang terkenal sehabis dipake foto cover albumnya The Beatles.

Kalo perginya banyakan nanti difotonya kayak gini, bahahaha :D

Terus lanjut ke London Bridge, Jembatan yang merupakan satu-satunya jembatan yang melintasi Thames dari Kingston sampai Jembatan Westminster yang dibuka tahun 1750 :)

Cuss selanjutnya ke Cambrigde University, ini univ tertua kedua di Inggris, paling ketat persyaratan masuknya di Britania Raya ini *.* wooo

Dan perjalanan pun selesai hahaha, yaaa mipinya dicukupkan sekian karna kalo kebanyakan tempat nanti saya gempor di sana muehehe, Hopefully can get the chance to come there. Amen ! :)

Don't Fall Again, Keep Standing Up and Build It !

This night, between supporting myself to keep stand up and let my tears to fall down on my cheek, I try to spit all my words here. I'm really confused to understand that news. I realize this is so 'drama queen' but it hurts me although just a little.

Just 6 words. These made me stuck and asked 'why do this happen again?'

Hy for you, we never get a conversation directly. We ever met. Just said something, and..... Just it!

But on the other way, we ever talked like you are my friend. That almost made me fall, ooops NOT ALMOST but VERY ALMOST ! I almost fall with a random way, with a short period of time -,-

All that time, I ever waited your message or just greeting. But I tried to never obsess, because I knew it would make me like an oh-so-no-creature (re: ga banget -,-)

I enjoyed that time, and my days got a little bit spirit. Buuuuut after I heard that little news, It suddenly punched my heart, ALMOST!

First, I just laughed and smile, yeah a fake smile. But no problem, I don't need to disappointed because I have no right at all =))

So, you... just enjoy your time, I will support you here, and take care yours (maybe) and good luck :)':

Thank you, after it happened, I got an energy to add my strength. Undirectly, you taught me to don't ever fall again, I will keep standing up and build in love, not fall in love =)))

By a little God Creature, who is learning about life Farida Amalia :)

Speak Out Loud

My fingers bring me to this place. They force me to dancing and spit all my words.

Let me write, just enjoy this random write, read, listen and understand, it will make me more better.

This age should be my brilliant, I wanna get all my wants. Those are not about want to be spiderman, or want to be batman, no at all! It sounds so funny :3 There are still so  many important things than wanna be a hero -_____-

I just want to enjoy my college, do the task well, and get a good point of every exam. Can't I? It's a must! I will! I will try more harder although I meet so many obstacles -_-'' 

But the biggest thing that I really wanted is get more experiences, no more no less. I'm looking for it, looking fooooor iiiiiiit. I still have not found experiences which really mean for me. It sounds so jaded I think. That statement means that I have not done anything, right? You got it? oooooh~

I'm 18, and now I enjoy my teen life, I still have 1 year to get that thing. Because in 20, it will be another story :)

Sooo please, chance come to mamaaaaaa ;;;) Bring me to the moment~

Be a College Student

Hello fellas, here I come =) I was so busy with my activities as a Collage Student  hihi. Now my fingers are ready to dance on my keyboard again.

I don't go to school anymore, I go to the bigger place than my school, yeay that's my campus =)

This is a new place where I can see many people dressed not with uniform, it's so amazing I think, more colorful  more cheerful and also more mature, I'm really excited to go to campus everyday =) This is a blessing. If I remember about my dream before, which wanted to get the university in Yogyakarta I never ever regret at all. I don't know it happened to me, when I signed up to that University then I got the answer that I have to stay in this town, Tasikmalaya... I didn't feel sad deeply, just said "I'm not accepted, huuuh". Be a part of English Literature was my dream. But now I'm a part of Development Economics, and I hope this is the answer from God =)

I never thought before, I'm a science student who has a big-headache-attack if I learn science subject, so I chose Literary for my collage... But destiny said that I have to learn Economics. Everything has to be thankful, I did it yes I did it. I went through this new life. Hopefully can get my success here and reach all my dreams.

 I get a lots of new friends, these are some friends who always together everywhere :)

 

From left she is Putri called uty, center is Yowan called as Tata One, and me :) Two others Isma and Mira were not together at the moment. By the way, Isma took this picture well =)

You !

Dear someone out there, I'm sorry for all my faults, I realized about it at all. If you think that I'm not a Human being it's very fair. I understand. Deep in my heart, I hope you will get your best. About your future, I ask to God to guide you every time. Thank you for a little conversation that may you did not remember it. Once more, I'm sorry.

Biggest Hope

Now i'm preparing about something important. This is the biggest thing that I have to prepare it perfectly. I wanna hear a good news, a good sound like all my best friends in our school yard yesterday. I saw a lot of smile on their face. I was so excited and happy when heard that they got their future University. In a crowded situation, I got an energy, it seemed like sound "you can do it, you can get it, you will hear something wonderful " Me, with all my hopes, with all my optimistic, with all my believe, will fight awesome on 12 June 2012, God will hear all my need, God will help me as always. Always spirit, and believe :)

Dancing like everything i want

Do you like dancing?

Oo i think i'm in love with this one thing although i can't dancing at all. I don't know when the first time i loved, but that's not  important to remind when this activity stole my heart. yesssss... my heart will getting faster if  somebody turn the music on and he moves as how is he. This is such a nice thing, so cool when you could make some moves and you felt so free.  I dont know what the real definition of dancing, i dont know about the rules, but i think everyone can do it perfectly. So let's leave the bed, turn the music on and start to dancing everyone! Dancing like everything you want :)

This guys inspired me, every moves, every steps are always fabulous :*

JABBAWOCKEEZ