Afterlife...the song from A7X... yes afterlife is playing on my list now, and I enjoy to hear that... In the middle of the playing I remember all the things, all the moments when I was very passionate with this song. About 4 or 5 years ago, I was a girl with kind of that music. Hard music, hard voices, the core that's not slow at all, where I could feel my spirit up. I remember that. But the things that I want to say here is not about the music, but this is about all mistakes that I've ever done to one guy. I'm full of tears if I remember this, but I like too in the same time.
I'm full of tears when I let my mind to open the past story... When I hated him so much because the reason unknown. I want tell everyone that this feel is not what it seems. I hate him but I don't hate him... This words is so confusing, right?
Let me to opend every windows of my minds... At the moment, when I was a high school student I ever met one guy in second world (you got it?) I talked with him as If we were friends, he had the same passion in music, almost. I shared with him about the music, although just a short period of time.
In another day, my friend said to me about him, he blablabla and blalala. I think that was a good news, no mistakes at all. For the first time I met him in the first world, I saw a guy who were tired after played tennis, and I guessed him, the guy who talked with me in the second world. Hmm him, just two words "hmm him''. The night had come, I entered my 2nd world and he was there, we talked again and he asked me about our undirect meeting lastday (-_-) he asked me "how... am I handsome right?" That's silly question... and I answered ''Of course because you are a male, dude". Funny enough, but the conversations was not long because I was lazy to get conversation with him, why? Because my friend said to me at the other time that he mocked me behind.
He mocked me behind... I believed of that statement. I got no respect at all to him. If we met, I always put my cocky face as If I didn't want to know him, and I did it always. ALWAYS!
Afte long time, I forgot that I hate him (funny) I started the conversation, I asked him about music of course, he answered nicely. He asked me to see a death fest, but I couldn't be sure to come there. I thought he was nice, he was not annoying. But suddenly I remembered the hate feeling AGAIN rrrrr
Till the news come that he was my friend's boyfie, yeah. Oh mygoodness this is THE REAL TEENAGER STORY -__- *absurd
I was fine to hear that, I just.... had a random feeling.
The times showed that he was not what I was thinking. I realized I should not hate him because he mocked me... It was very childish. I was selfish to myself, and to him. I realized that having a hatred heart is just like a coward. I was ashamed to myself cause I did some wrongs... It was like I restricted the friendship with him. He was not wrong, mocking is just a little thing that I should not had care of it.
This guilt was like a shadow that always walks beside me. Till the feeling changed... changed to be a good 'titlte' fellow feeling. He was kind, humble... Not like what I was thinking.
Feeling sorry and sorry. If I could go to the past, I would start a conversation and asked about 'why did you mock me, dude?' and then I made it as a joke to know the answer... To see how his reaction, if bad yes he is bad but if good... yes I had a simpathy with you.
But now is the impossoble thing to meet him, to get conversation with him. Maybe he hates me more than I used to. He has a new world now and maybe he doesn't remember me at all HAHA so poor -__-
I don't want anything except saying sorry and sorry.
Sorry for all the things that made you upset. Maybe you call me freak, or stranger or another bad nickname, but surely I just feeling sorry. Hopefully we can meet again, and the times give me a chance to say it very loudly.
Byebye... enjoy your life, and I hope you get the best for your future.
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