We Have To....

Glad, sad, happy, dissapointed, ashamed, I have to feel it all. To ever try, to ever fail and to rise then. That's my task, also you ... to enjoy the process, to think, to decide, to act, exactly to try something in our life.

I'm sorry and I Love You, Mom.

Here I am throw all my words for the person who had sacrificed her life for her daughter.

First, I claim that I'm not the girl with a lovely attittude, not an attentive girl, and not a girl with all beautiful words. But I have something to say for my guardian.

The first word that I will say is "Sorry" if there is somethng more than that, I will say it in a million times. I'm sorry for all my faults, every seconds, every minutes, every hours, everyday, every week, every months, every years, and everytime.

All the arguments, all fights. When I against to you, when I hurt you, when I made you tired, when I made you dissapointed.

I'm knowing all my sins, and I still remember it and I think harder to erase it. Even though you never concerned about it, even though you always forgive me, even though you always love me, even though you always care to me... I still can't forgive myself about what I've done to you all this time in this life.

I beg to God to give me more chances that I can make you happy, can protect you as you had protected me, give all my devotions, and everything that I can do for your best.

I know your sacrifice, I'm the witness who knows that you are the greatest Eve, I know your sweat, I know how hard you smile even though you bear the burdens, I know how hard you make a solution of every problems. I know how tired you are when I did something wrong.

I know you did it just for my best. For your family.

Mom, don't ever tired to always lead me, don't ever tired to always be patient when I get angry, don't ever lose your smooth words when you asking me something, don't ever tired to yell at me when I do some mistakes, don't ever tired to asking me anything even though I don't want to. 'Cause deep in my heart I don't want to lose anything from you.

I can't imagine to live without you. I haven't done anyhting for you, let me make you proud, let me paint more smile in you face, let me to erase all your burdens.

The only thing that I can do is just pray and asking to my Holly God that you'll be always healthy, long life, happy ever after, always in God's protection, and will be a witness in my wedding, be a wise grandma for my children soon.

Once more, I'm sorry. I love you till the end of my life :*

Confusing

It’s hard to explain what we feel right now, when we are very glad, sad, and also confused. Sometimes we can only ask... Ask to ourself, ask to God, and sometimes tears are the only way to explain all the random feels of us. But, don’t be confused, that’s life, that’s a puzzle which has to be found the answer, so confusing…

The Words Those Have Not been Delivered

Afterlife...the song from A7X... yes afterlife is playing on my list now, and I enjoy to hear that... In the middle of the playing I remember all the things, all the moments when I was very passionate with this song. About 4 or 5 years ago, I was a girl with kind of that music. Hard music, hard voices, the core that's not slow at all, where I could feel my spirit up. I remember that. But the things that I want to say here is not about the music, but this is about all mistakes that I've ever done to one guy. I'm full of tears if I remember this, but I like too in the same time. 

I'm full of tears when I let my mind to open the past story... When I hated him so much because the reason unknown. I want tell everyone that this feel is not what it seems. I hate him but I don't hate him... This words is so confusing, right?

Let me to opend every windows of my minds... At the moment, when I was a high school student I ever met one guy in second world (you got it?) I talked with him as If we were friends, he had the same passion in music, almost. I shared with him about the music, although just a short period of time. 

In another day, my friend said to me about him, he blablabla and blalala. I think that was a good news, no mistakes at all. For the first time I met him in the first world, I saw a guy who were tired after played tennis, and I guessed him, the guy who talked with me in the second world. Hmm him, just two words "hmm him''. The night had come, I entered my 2nd world and he was there, we talked again and he asked me about our undirect meeting lastday (-_-) he asked me "how... am I handsome right?" That's silly question... and I answered ''Of course because you are a male, dude". Funny enough, but the conversations was not long because I was lazy to get conversation with him, why? Because my friend said to me at the other time  that  he mocked me behind.

He mocked me behind... I believed of that statement. I got no respect at all to him. If we met, I always put my cocky face as If I didn't want to know him, and I did it always. ALWAYS!

Afte long time, I forgot that I hate him (funny) I started the conversation, I asked him about music of course, he answered nicely. He asked me to see a death fest, but I couldn't be sure to come there. I thought he was nice, he was not annoying. But suddenly I remembered the hate feeling AGAIN rrrrr

Till the news come that he was my friend's boyfie, yeah. Oh mygoodness this is THE REAL TEENAGER STORY -__- *absurd

I was fine to hear that, I just.... had a random feeling.

The times showed that he was not what I was thinking. I realized I should not hate him because he mocked me... It was very childish. I was selfish to myself, and to him. I realized that having a hatred heart is just like a coward. I was ashamed to myself cause I did some wrongs... It was like I restricted the friendship with him. He was not wrong, mocking  is just a little thing that I should not had care of it. 

This guilt was like a shadow that always walks beside me. Till the feeling changed... changed to be a good 'titlte'  fellow feeling. He was kind, humble... Not like what I was thinking. 

Feeling sorry and sorry. If I could go to the past, I would start a conversation and asked about 'why did you mock me, dude?' and then I made it as a joke to know the answer... To see how his reaction, if bad yes he is bad but if good... yes I had a simpathy with you.

But now is the impossoble thing to meet him, to get conversation with him. Maybe he hates me more than I used to. He has a new world now and maybe he doesn't remember me at all HAHA so poor  -__-

I don't want anything except saying sorry and sorry.

Sorry for all the things that made you upset. Maybe you call me freak, or stranger or another bad nickname, but surely I just feeling sorry. Hopefully we can meet again, and the times give me a chance to say it very loudly. 

Byebye... enjoy your life, and I hope you get the best for your future.

The Real HOME

Home

Farida Amalia

I wanna catch the hill

With both of my hands

I wanna go to the top

With both of my feets

I wanna go around the world

With all my body

But actually, I wanna go home

The real home...

With my heart, with my soul

Cause... y o u a r e m y H O M E

(You Are, My...) Time Owner

Time Owner

Farida Amalia

Wake me up every morning

Greet me everyday of afternoon

Call me every evening

Always say good night in all my nights

Kiss my forehead before fall asleep every night

Surely, walk on my head every second

Oh…. My… You will be my Time Owner

Don’t get confused

Don’t get confused

Farida Amalia

I want

I just want it

No more No less

I want a Rainbow, full of colors

I want a Red, as red as my blood… Flowing in my body

I want a White, as white as my bones and clear like a cloud

I want a Blue, as blue as the ocean and blue like a highly skies

I want a Green, as green as all leafs beside flowers

I want a Yellow, as yellow as brightly sun, light up my world

But, sometimes I want no colors at all… Like a fresh air

I want it, but I don’t’ want it

Don’t get confused!